


The time in which Magnus Rubricatus summoned a daemon via a domestic device

by RenVal



Category: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brothers, Domestic, Family Issues, Gen, Tumblr Prompt, dumb fic, it is really dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23777086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenVal/pseuds/RenVal
Summary: Exactly what says in the title.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	The time in which Magnus Rubricatus summoned a daemon via a domestic device

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: How about something about a roomba accidentally summoning a demon while vacuuming a Ouija themed carpet.

Magnus looked at his study, and saw that it was good. He felt the pride that could only come with the knowledge of well done work and an organized space. Books, crystals, scrying tools, stationery, all kinds of objects laid down with a meticulous, almost zealous sense of place. It was, in many ways, absolutely gorgeous. 

But the best thing on it was the carpet; woven in black and ivory thread in the form of an ouija board. In the beginning he thought it was a joke, and that Jagathai had only sent a picture of it for the sake of laughter, before realizing that his brother was not one for mellifluous mockeries. 

And the amalgam of the beauty of the room and his pride made do something particular and unusual: he took a picture of it and sent it to the group chat he shared with his brothers. 

The first answers were tame and polite: Dorn talking about the architectural characteristics of the room, Lorgar complimenting his literary taste, Vulkan congratulating his efforts, everything was good until he realized he had made a big mistake.

It was the group chat. With his brothers.

_All of them._

**WHY THE FUCK TO YOU HAVE A OUIJA BOARD ON THE FLOOR?1?!  
** **DO YOU WANNA SUMMON SOME WEIRD SHIT?!1  
**IF SOMETHING HAPPENS I'M GONNA BURN DOWN YOUR PLACE****

Magnus groaned for almost a whole minute, scolding himself mentally for even thinking that something good could come from making any part of his existence known to Leman. But even with that painfully gained awareness, he could not let that crass display go unanswered.

**Oh here I was, wondering if Leman would ever like something with actual letters and numbers instead of runic chickenscratch. Pity.**

Instead of waiting for a reply, he put his cellphone in a nook of his desk, and tried to forget about the matter. After all, the other rooms needed to be as clean and orderly as his study. However, there was one last matter regarding the state of the finish room, and it was the dust laying in the carpet. A small detail, yet one that annoyed him a lot.

Not because of the words of his brother. No. Not at all. After all, he was wrong, and Magnus needed no proof of how wrong he was. But to prove a bad idea wrong was never a bad action, and besides, the carpet really needed vacuuming.

So, he brought the small robot that served for such a purpose (Perturabo said it was called roomba, but Magnus felt it was a silly name for something not only useful, but also given by his stern brother), and turned it on in the carpet. He saw it was good, and left for the living room to continue the moving.

Things were calm for half an hour, just soft music and the rustle of things being moved to their rightful places. But then the scent of otherworldly smoke started to fill the apartment. And after that a myriad of whispering voices that came out from the study, some even mimicking the mechanical buzz of the little machine. Magnus did not think much of it, until he heard the sizzle of fire, and thought of his books and his treasures being consumed by flame.

He ran to the study, thinking of where had he put the fire extinguisher, the one he thought he would never use. Even if he had thought of many disaster scenarios, no single plan or idea could have prepared him for the sight he encountered in the center of the room. 

Just above the somehow intact ouija carpet floated an inexplicable creature, half man and half bird, covered in everchanging and glittering jewels, its two heads glaring at him, teeth shining within their beaks as if trying to snarl and smile at the same time. It was way too big for the small apartment, and it talked in lies and contradictions in a thousand languages and more. Its mere presence causing Magnus a headache.

Focus. He had to focus. He knew the rituals and the words and the ways to dispel such things quickly to their immaterial plane. He had practiced and honed his abilities to do so. But he may be in the need of some help to subdue the thing that was looking at him. He could call someone, anyone.

But the mere thought of someone thinking that Leman was even a tiny bit right (he was not, by any measure, but he could not count on anyone to see that simple truth) made him doubt for a moment. 

Then he realized he was completely alone. The thing had banished

“Well, shit”

**Author's Note:**

> I had more fun writing this than I did while writing any of my theses so I regret nothing.


End file.
